she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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