All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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