it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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