she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
