btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
