ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize