I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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