I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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