How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
