this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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