it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just high enough for therapy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
