oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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