Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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