I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
