meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
