Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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