At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
