broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize