Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
