There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
