I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
