whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it penis luge time yet?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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