Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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