I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
