My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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