If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
