I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
