I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
