y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
