Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
