Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
