I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When are your genitals available?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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