i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
