this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
