I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
