My hand turned me down
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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