I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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