So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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