the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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