I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize