First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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