he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
