Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
