I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm both gender and math confused
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
