I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
