I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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