I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
