I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
