its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
