As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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