Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
