I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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