So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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