I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
