I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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