So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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