its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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