i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
