how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
PANTIES FOUND
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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