Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize