I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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