Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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