Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
